Blog
Proud: We Are, Are You?
“As we’ve built fences to protect us from the hatred of the outside world, we’ve forgotten the need to protect the people inside of it as well.” Phillip Henry @ https://them.us/story/how-gay-men-normalize-sexual-assault
I’m Not Like You or Am I?
The trauma of harassment is not exclusive to women or men, but in the LGBTQ community it is different only because we label it that way, and when we label it, we de-humanize it.
It’s Not That Bad, Right?
I think it’s about power, winning, domination, and the games boys play with each other. But when I read the submissions in our book, Our Silent Voice: End the Silence, I see plotting and agreement to hurt. I don’t think work- jerks are the same. Some are worse and some less. But why does it happen? And when it does, why are we afraid to report it?
Writing Your Trauma Story: Yep, It’s Hard
Why in the world would you want to write the story of an assault that happened to you?
Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t write or talk about it? You’ve kept it quiet for all these years, why write it now? Why dig up that stuff again?
Is it Stalking or Free Speech?
“Critics have mocked Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) after he suggested that Disney cartoons might feature Mickey Mouse and his pet dog, Pluto, having sex with each other. Cruz made the remarks during a recording of his podcast Verdict With Ted Cruz as part of his disapproval of Disney for the company's public opposition to a controversial new Florida education legislation that critics have dubbed the "Don't Say Gay" law.” -Newsweek article 4/25/22 by Darragh Roche
Now no matter how we look at this, it’s free speech for Sen. Cruz to lob this statement on his podcast. Crazy to imagine this being anything other than free speech.
You’re Not the Boss of Me
A narcissist wants to gain control. But you don’t want to give it, do you? They begin their seduction with charm, and you adore the seduction. It’s sweet with a gentle touch of a wonderful person who’s only interest is you. And then the insidious, subtle changes begin.
Accused or Nailed?
On March 13, 2022, the Houston Chronicle reported “A Harris County grand jury on Friday declined to indict Texans quarterback Deshaun Watson, signaling the end of a criminal investigation into allegations of sexual assault and harassment…”
22 women accused him of assault.
The quarterback thanked Jesus for the failure to indict.
We don’t know what’s going to happen to Mr. Watson. But somehow, we don’t doubt the veracity of the 22 women who documented and reported the assault and the harassment. But what does happen when you’re falsely accused? Does it stand, do you slide, or are you nailed?
Rehab or Incarcerate
When someone accused of sexual violence is caught and punished, do they ever come around? Do they learn from mistakes and change? Or do they just become better rapists?
Was My Mother Right?
We all have that voice in our head, that critical voice, it’s our mother’s, or it’s more abstract. It’s a voice that says, “I knew it! You shouldn’t have done that/gone there/worn that dress….”
How We Wrote OUR Trauma: OUR Silent Voice
That’s what we want to share with other men and women. We can lift each other up to a standing position for ourselves, each other, and provide a community into which we can invite others.
Writing: A Dangerous Thing
These stories are here for the man who thought these were women’s issues, and for the women who, up to now, turned a blind eye. This is for those who felt disbelieved, unheard, discarded. They are for the survivors who can now walk tall and come out the other end of the experience.
Trafficked: What Abusers Look For
“Houston is ground zero in our state for human trafficking based on our geographic proximity to the border with Mexico, diverse population where victims blend in and transportation hub for commerce.” Margaret Kidd, Program Director Supply Chain & Logistics Technology, University of Houston
Is Strength a Gift?
Like a whistle blower, when we sound the alarm about abuse, what happens? Then, how do we get strong enough to see it through? What happens to whistle blowers can be life threatening – where does the strength come from? What are we willing to risk?
Forgiveness: How Radical
Here is the radical part. Maybe I should give myself a break. Maybe give up trying to forgive the perpetrator of this indignity. Maybe it’s forgiving ourselves for feeling guilty, wrong, stupid, ashamed and afraid.
Writing Trauma - How It Worked for Us
December 1st
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The Written Word: Is it Now and Everafter?
Decades ago, to preserve the family unit and sometimes the family fortune, marriages were arranged and strict rules were to be followed within the unit. Divorce not acceptable, children outside of marriage were banished, or hidden, and both men and women struggled within the strain. A blind eye was turned toward rape and it was thought of as something that men just had to do sometimes. Centuries later, some of those ideas and culturally accepted values surface again.
A’tenthut!
Q: What freedom have you experienced writing about your assault? “Taking the blame was a coping mechanism. If I hadn't felt I bore some responsibility, I would have felt too powerless to go on at all. My father had warned me about the men in the service and how they would try to take advantage of me. I knew better and though taking the blame hurt me in the long run, that night, that following early morning I needed to feel as if I had some control.” -RD
Gender Equity: Is it Fair?
Policy ideas that start at local levels can trickle ‘UP’ to state and federal levels over time. Many communities have leaders in a position with both the knowledge and compassion to make decisions that fully include and can protect vulnerable and marginalized groups such as the LGBTQ community.
We wondered how equity and equality plays out in our community of Houston.
I’m Not Like You, Am I?
I can’t imagine the backlash suffered by a Trans or Queer-Gay-Bi-Poly human, but what we can imagine is ‘human.’ As individuals, humans suffer abuse and assault from the ones who hate, have power, and think “we” are the source of their problems and must be eliminated or taught a lesson. Our truth, when we dare to finally tell it, is loud. It’s fierce and it’s brave.